Best 4 U – It took me four days to get into a mental state where I felt like I could listen to this album. And then I heard this song. And I almost quit. The lyricist for M5 has a habit of coming up with choruses that consist of one repeating line. I am also pretty sure the iPhone generic alarm tone is used as an instrumental line. In one word: annoying. In one Avril Lavigne song title: what the hell. [2]
What Lovers Do (feat. SZA) – Where do I start? Is it the egregious misuse of the talent that is SZA? Is it once again a repeated line over and over again substituting for a pre-chorus and a chorus? Or is it the fact that Adam Levine sounds like a dolphin? Maybe it’s the fact that despite all of this, whenever I hear this song I can’t stop singing that dolphin line for at least a week. I FUCKING hate this song, and it makes me hate myself. [1]
Wait – I feel like M5 is directly speaking to the audience when they ask for patience. Of course, the sentiment does not work well when accompanied by a generic fiddle line and trap beat combo that was already incredibly outdated by 2018. But what really gets this song a 1/10, is the way Adam Levine pronounces “begging”. I will never unhear that. [1]
Lips On You– It is clear, even this early in the album, that M5 is experimenting with the sound of silence. The songs are spacious, and stripped down and everything echoes in an attempt at an ethereal effect. See Bon Iver, Lykke Li, or even Kanye himself for better examples on how to use space to the benefit of the listening experience and not as an excuse to write two lines per song and call it complete. [1]
Bet My Heart – I am convinced Adam Levine has never felt love. I know he has a wife and a child, but his music writing abilities say he does not love them. If I am too harsh, please know it’s coming from a place of disappointment, not anger. This song is lazy, uninspired, and utterly pointless. It adds nothing to the album and nothing to the music world in general. Wow, this album is actually making me a spiteful person. [1]
Help Me Out (with Julia Michaels) – This is bad because it’s boring. [1]
Who I Am (feat. LunchMoney Lewis) – This is bad because the instrumental line genuinely gave me a headache. [1]
Whiskey (feat. A$AP Rocky) – This is one of two songs on this album I remember liking. Something about sad, remorseful Adam Levine works because of his refusal to admit that anything is his fault. It is therefore an accurate depiction of the frail male ego. It also has a chorus with more than one line and multiple verses with different lines and even different emotions. Small victories. I am also a sucker for A$AP Rocky even if he is majorly phoning it in on this song. [3]
Girls Like You – Adam Levine is a pretentious asshole, but don’t worry girls, he is also a pretentious feminist. [1]
Closure – This is bad because it is 11 MINUTES LONG. But, I am happy that they finally allowed the other six members besides Adam Levine to be present at the album recording sessions. The song itself is also not horrible and would work well with a radio edit. It reminds me a bit of a more stripped version of a song by The Driver Era, a band that I genuinely love. The instrumental part after Adam Levine leaves is also really nice, and if that was released separately from the first 3 minutes it would get a score of 6/10. [2]
Denim Jacket – This is the other song I remember liking when the album came out. Denim Jacket is not good, but I like the image it creates. Does he really miss her? Does he just want to borrow her jacket? This song really makes you think. It also is the first song on this album that tells a complete story, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. I can also hear both the drums and the piano if I listen very carefully. All in all, a good song that I may even put on a playlist sometime. [4]
Visions – Maroon 5 loves its cod reggae. Cod reggae is a term for when non-Jamaican artists badly appropriate reggae beats and bland them up so they sound like nothingness. This song is a perfect example of this phenomenon. Rude by Mag!c is another good example. All this to say, this song has this one beat the whole time that is incredibly repetitive and bland because Adam Levine does not know how to use a reggae beat well. However, during the bridge, when the beat disappears, the song is not bad. It also connects to the theme of the album which appears to be lost love. This does not, however, mean that I will ever listen to this song again and will definitely not recommend that you listen to it either. [2]
Plastic Rose – This song surprised me the most. I actually kind of like it. It has the smooth pop styling that Justin Timberlake used to do really well. It is just a simple, shiny and glittery song, perfect for the idea of fake love being metaphorically conveyed through a plastic rose. Also, the bridge is good and musically interesting. The inclusion of some of the lower bass lines is inspired. Honestly, this is my new favorite song on the album. [6]
Don’t Wanna Know (feat. Kendrick Lamar) – Just as I was getting worried, I am reminded again why I hate this album. This song is annoyingly catchy, and not in a good way. This is also one of the worst Kendrick features (including his verse on Bad Blood) that I can remember. I guess I can say this song is cute? It is really good for a wedding or a 2 year old’s birthday party. I won’t hate it if it comes on, but I will never request this song. [2]
Cold (feat. Future) – This song is a meme. The music video is a meme. Future is a meme. These reviews are a meme. I am a meme. [1]
Girls Like You (feat. Cardi B) – One cannot possibly understate how big this song was. It was on the radio 24/7, in every grocery store, and in every girlboss commercial. In many ways, that is more to do with Cardi B than Maroon 5. This song hit at the perfect time to ride her coattails to being a genuine hit. Also, her verse is very good. Moreover, the music video with all the women was a smart choice. In retrospect, and even at the time, it was a tacky attempt to show that Maroon 5, a band completely made up of men that often sing about the women that trick and confuse them, supports you, female listener! But if Drake can do it, why not Maroon 5? (As a side note- Nice for What is an amazing song, and Drake has some really great tracks, but do not get me started on his lack of ability to put a good album together). I don’t hate Girls Like You, even though I probably should, but I do not have any fond feelings for it. [2]
Album Average (2/10) – This marks Maroon 5’s first album after completing their initial record contract. Back in the day, bands would sign a five-album record contract. This is album number six. Somehow, that makes how flavorless and pointless this album is even worse. The only highlights for me are the instrumental sections of Closure, Cardi B’s verse in Girls Like You, Denim Jacket, and Plastic Rose. Everything else should be skipped.
This is by far my least favorite M5 album, beyond just the idiotic title. (Apparently, Adam Levine was unaware of the red pill society on the Internet, and genuinely thought he was making an obscure Matrix reference). Most people will claim that Maroon 5 had sold out long before Red Pill Blues. While this may be true, I was still a supporter of theirs until this project. I stood with them through all their first five albums, even as many others left. Red Pill Blues lost me as a fan, a feat that I never thought would be possible.
