A is for

A is for… acceptance? Admiration? Another unedited post? 

No. A is for asexual. 

Recently, I got into a discussion with a friend over whether there are asexual anthems similar to popular bi/gay/queer anthems. Well, I did my best to find what I believe to be some of the best asexual anthems out there (whether intentional or not).

 I also took major inspiration from this article: https://www.them.us/story/asexual-aromantic-anthems-valentines-day-playlist

To my asexual readers: 

You are not broken. You deserve love. Enjoy these songs! (insert purple heart here)

It’s Only Sex by Car Seat Headrest– Who doesn’t love Will Toledo? Here, he captures a key aspect of the asexual experience. One of my least favorite misconceptions of sex positivity is that to be sex-positive, a person must have sex. “Yo, are you sex-positive?” “I certainly was last night, bruh.” See, it sounds stupid. Not every sex-positive person wants sex. I know, a truly mind-blowing statement. What happens if I don’t like it yells Will Toledo. The response: it’s only sex. Sex is often not the big goliath of a thing people make it out to be. It does not define who you are. It is only sex, and for many, that’s all it will ever be. Liking it, not liking it, it’s all valid. And, importantly, it’s all sex-positive. This song is a fun listen, filled with the classic Toledo humor that Car Seat Headrest fans have grown to love with a nice bonus of asexual acceptance. 

LadyKillers by Lush– Lush is an OG Britpop band with major shoegaze influence, an underrated absolute gem of the 90s. Shoegaze is a genre of music defined by, well, it’s kinda hard to define. It’s loud and blurry and named after the amount of time that the artists tend to stare at their shoes on stage (usually because of the number of foot pedals required to play their songs). This genre is often overwhelmingly dominated by whiny men (don’t get me wrong- I love a good whiny man), so this song with a uniquely feminine perspective stands out immediately. It also happens to be about refusing sexual passes, something asexuals will most likely have experience doing. 

LadyKillers is about refusing the sexual advances of men who presume themselves to be attractive. An interesting fact- the second verse of this song is about the lead singer of Red Hot Chilli Peppers and the third verse is about the bassist of Weezer. A truly powerful woman turning down the advances of powerful men. Particularly poignant is the verse about the Weezer bassist, who is described as a man relentlessly chasing down a woman who does not want him. Any woman who has ever been in a club, walked outside in a city, or literally existed can relate to this feeling. But, important to this playlist, so can most asexuals. On top of all that, this song is a complete and absolute banger. 10/10 would recommend. 

Sex Without Stress by Au Pairs– Sex is only one form of intimacy. Wouldn’t you like to learn some of the others? This song by the British post-rock band Au Pairs asks that exact question that is pivotal to asexual relationships (and honestly should be discussed more in allosexual relationships). The song also briefly touches on the commodification of sex. As is often stated in marketing, “sex sells”. That is why we have overly sexualized advertisements, television shows, and magazines. We grow up seeing sex as something to be desired, as the ultimate expression of love and intimacy. However, that is not necessarily true. I love this song for pointing that out while also having a really sick instrumental line. Additionally, this singer just absolutely owns every word and every line of this track in such a unique and memorable way. 

Love Will Tear us Apart by Joy Division- Not another moody post-rock song! I love this track. I love the complete melancholiness of the lyrics which are barely audible over the guitar line and ethereal backing track. I love that Ian Curtis sings “again” with complete resignment to his fate. And I love that love is what is tearing apart the relationship, not bringing them together. Asexual partners who fall in love with someone they are not sexually compatible with can immediately understand. Aromantic partners who just want platonic bonds can also immediately relate. Love is often a beautiful thing, but it is not without a dark side.

I’m Happy Just to Dance With You by The Beatles–  This underground British pop-rock band from the 60s may be unfamiliar to most of you, but I love them. Yes, I am obviously joking. After all the moodiness at the beginning of this playlist, this song is here as a reminder that it can be fun to be asexual. While everyone else in the club is worried about looking sexy or hooking up, asexuals get to just dance and have a good time. I love dancing. It’s fun. This song is fun. If someone sang this to me, I would probably marry them on the spot. 

All I need by my bloody valentine– Here we have the shoegaze legends my bloody valentine. It is impossible to make out any lyric in this song and the distortion is just next level. It feels like my brain is shutting off when I hear this. It’s amazing. So, why is it asexual you ask? For one line, No need to say how close can we lie, this song makes it onto the asexual playlist. Is it fair? No. Do I care? Again, no. It is that good of an ace line, that this song earned its place here. 

Love is a Wild Thing by Kacey Musgraves– I have never been more wrong about an artist than I was about Kacey Musgraves. She is purely a positive presence in music, and I do not know why I ever thought otherwise. This song is probably my favorite from her. Love itself is ubiquitous in this track. It is everywhere and anywhere. While some may interpret this as romantic love, I see it as the concept of love itself. Love can be familial, platonic, romantic, sexual, and overall just complicated. This track is about accepting all of it and embracing it. This song is a warm hug. To my touch-starved asexuals out there, I hope you enjoy it. 

Love Love Love by Of Monsters and Men– This song is all about not being able to return the type of love that your partner gives to you freely leading to the destruction of the relationship itself. Do I really need to explain why it is here? You love love love/ When you know I can’t love This song is so honest and simple, but the idea itself is so complicated and real. Everyone loves in different ways. As soon as we can accept that, we can become a better and more understanding society. Asexual and aromantics, we see your struggle too.

Oh No! By MARINA– I know exactly who I want and who I want to be Asexuals have heard the patronizing “maybe you just haven’t found the right one” more times than could be counted. Asexuals know what they want and most importantly, who they do not want. They do not need to try out sex to know that. They do not need to wait for a person that may never come. They are who they are. MARINA captures this confidence and assertiveness all in a beautifully bizarre song filled with minor keys and odd instrumental lines. It’s perfect. 

i’m so tired by Lauv and Troye Sivan– Many people on the ace spectrum feel overwhelmed by the sexual, romantic society we live in. Sometimes, we all just want to go home and not think about romance for a bit. This song perfectly captures that fatigue of seeing everyone around you couple up and abandon you. Asexuals and aromantics can often relate. Troye Sivan is perfect in this and the pop brilliance of the track is evident. I will never forgive the pop world for not allowing Troye Sivan to be the biggest star ever. 

We’re Going to Be Friends by The White Stripes– I think the type of love between friends is undervalued. The feeling of meeting someone and knowing instantly that they will be your friend is unmatched. Many asexuals and aromantics’ favorite form of love is friendship, which is often dismissed as childish. This is a simple and lovely song about how nice it is to have friends as an adult, ending this playlist on a positive note. 

This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, but I did try my best. There are probably many songs I missed or songs on this list that I am grossly misinterpreting. Oh well. 

The playlist is available here: A is for